My Healing at Life Healing Community
On January 22nd of 2008, I flew cross-country from Seattle, Washington to Life Healing Community, a sacred place in the Ozarks of Missouri where many people have gone for healing of various kinds and have received in abundance.
I had originally planned on just soaking in the blessings of this quiet 17 acres of woods and visiting my esteemed teacher, Shaman Maggie Wahls, who lives in a small house on the land. I had been studying with her for about a year and a half and we had become very close, as we emailed each other every couple of days. I have lots of questions and she has lots of experience walking this path as a lifelong traditional indigenous shaman healer of the body, soul and spirit. And she lovingly guides me along despite my odd questions and my stumbling mishaps.
My loving Creator thankfully had bigger plans for my trip.
When I booked my flight in early January, I had begun dueling with another acute onslaught of anxiety, a problem that had plagued me at least since young adulthood. I’d been coping quite well since coming off the anxiety medication that I’d been on since 1995. Learning and practicing balance in my life was really helping me deal with my old disabling patterned responses by giving me new ways of seeing myself and my world. However, as with many issues in our lives, anxiety is a problem that is quite complex. Like an onion, it affects the many layers of one’s life, all of which need to be addressed to be truly healed.
I had again begun to dread and fear new experiences. Because of some winter illness, I became worried as I anticipated my inability keep up with others on some planned hikes. I dreaded letting other people down. Then I became worried about my trip to Missouri, that I wouldn’t be able to answer the questions my teacher might ask me, or that I wouldn’t be able to function. None of these worries were anything I had experienced in my adult life, but rather represented a worse case scenario fantasy in my mind. These thoughts have the potential to spiral downward and lead to feelings of panic. I dropped 10 pounds from lack of appetite.
This is part of what Shaman Maggie wrote me before my visit, when I voiced all my concerns to her:
You know that there is healing here. You know that the power that Creator has given this place is filled with your healing in every way. You know that you only need to stand on this ground and receive the healing that Creator wishes to give you in every way. It has nothing to do with me or you. Come and receive your healing from this anxiety just by being here.
When I arrived at Life Healing Community (www.lifehealingcommunity.com),
I was received with open arms by Shaman Maggie and the healing energy of the land.
On my first morning there I spent time doing homework. I needed to determine what others expect of me and what I expect of myself. I soon realized that I believed that other people expect me to do everything right all the time, that I hated that part of me that couldn’t do things to others’ satisfaction. Then I realized that most of this stemmed from my inability to succeed in grade school, where no matter what I did or how much I studied and tried, I wasn’t able to meet my teachers’ expectations. I realized that my self-worth was tied up in what I do versus who I am. At some level, I felt that what the Creator thought of me wasn’t enough.
My healing continued as I meditated and communed with my guides and with nature there. Then that afternoon I sat with Shaman Maggie in her living room and she helped me to see how these ideas about who I am were untrue to me as an adult. She helped me to see that these thoughts were the thoughts of a child and how I’d progressed and grown since then. I realized that people don’t expect these things of me and that these ideas are hindering me from living my life fully now. Was I able to stop allowing my misperceptions of what others think of me rule my life? That part of me that wants to be in control of my own life and make my own decisions became angry. I was challenged to tell myself that no idea or person will stop me from living my life fully and joyfully, and that who I am is enough.
The truth of how deeply I’m loved and cherished by my Creator sunk in even deeper during my time there. I can’t wait to go back!
Maureen
Seattle, WA
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